The Reference Point
By Aristides Priakos
Expert Author Aristides Priakos
What is The Reference Point?
What damage do we bring to new relationships? How do you perceive yourself? Do you truly know what a healthy relationship even looks like? Did someone you love ever tell you that you are not pretty enough, not smart enough or not good enough? Has anyone ever told you that you are a failure and you will never succeed? How do you treat others?
Is your spiritual house in order? Do you know your masculine and feminine sides? How is your emotional and mental mind-set? Are you happy at work? Do certain things or people drive you crazy? Why do some blame others for their bad actions and behavior? How does your subconscious affect your decision making? These, and many more actions, are all called "reference points."
I think we need to first understand where the reference started. I don't think we have to look any further than the caveman, to go back to the beginning of our first impressions and point of reference, on how we treat each other. The caveman had just a few reference points that he could gauge his existence on.
They did not have language that we know of, until much later. But they communicated with grunts and moans, establishing signals by motions of their hands and body language, to convey various emotions. Emotions are what guide us into action and then into momentum. We can only do that if we know what our reference points are.
Without television, internet, computers, smart phones and such, the caveman's reference points was that of being hungry, tired, cold, hot, sadness, happiness, and a few others. He knew the difference between the sun setting and rising, and knew that when it rose again, he would go hunt for food. That's about it.
Their gauge of what to refer to was quite limited. However, one thing is for certain and we did not need to be there to know it happened--his limited ability to reason and think for himself, was based on the actions of others. This gave him a whole new set of reference points to work from. The interesting part about this whole concept is that somewhere in time, the caveman got to a point of consciousness. He then discovered his ability to reason and to solve problems for himself.
Let me give you an example. I don't know that we can pin-point exactly when fire was invented, but let's go a few years down the road in his life. Some caveman, who we will now call Gork, came up with the idea to clothe himself. Perhaps Gork was the original Halston of caveman apparel, we just don't know. Perhaps he was the one who came up with the idea of smashing a rock onto a piece of slate to make a sharp point, making it easier to hunt and thus, came the spear.
So, what happened? That was the new reference point of hunting back then. Perhaps the other cavemen became jealous that Gork came up with the idea, and not them. Of course, this is all speculation, but my point is that their reference point to make a new weapon came from Gork. The news quickly spread throughout the tribe. They then taught each other how to make spears and other tools for preparing food, and so forth.
Gork was the first domino, whereby, others followed. I'm sure that his status in his community was elevated, which gave the other cavemen a new reference point. They now had someone to look up to. Perhaps Gork was indeed the very first President of the society of cavemen. We just don't know. What we do know was that there was a hierarchy of leaders whereby one man, Gork in this representation, was tribal leader.
The new invention quickly spread to other tribes and then something very interesting happened. The tool they used for hunting soon became a weapon much like the club, but now it had a sharp point and they discovered they could now use it as a weapon against each other. This was probably the first of many conflicts, as tribes broke up into divisions, which eventually led to war.
They now had a sense of power with this new weapon and of course, they developed bigger spears and clubs to fight their enemies, which established a whole new set of reference points. They now had the ability to kill and conquer. What they did with those reference points is no different from what we do today, thousands of years later. Gork passed those reference points down to his children, and their children passed it down to their children, and so on, and so on.
During this time I'm sure they even had a set laws. We have to assume that at some point, they had to know the difference between right and wrong, but their values, their core beliefs, had to have had a set of rules, their reference points, so to speak.
The young men of the tribe were put through rituals to become "men," and the women had a social structure as well. I'm sure Gork had an altercation or two, when another caveman looked at his woman the wrong way. The first reference point of jealousy, perhaps? I'm sure that Gork demonstrated to others his authority as their leader, thereby, establishing a stronger reference point to the rest of the tribe. Good, bad or indifferent, that is all that Gork knew to give to his children, and it has not changed in thousands of years.
The bottom line is this; we are the product of the reference points we established from our parents, our friends and what our environment is force feeding us. I will discuss this in greater detail, further into the book.
I also like to use the example of your dog or cat. They have no concept of "real time," because animals cannot tell time. They don't know whether you have been gone for five minutes or five hours. I'm sure there are many animal behavioral scientists that might disagree with me, but let's say for the sake of argument that I am right. Animals are just damn glad to see you when you walk in the door. Great thing about animals is that they all just want to be loved, and they give that love back so unconditionally. Amazing reference points they have, isn't it?
Even though their reference points are hunger, cold, hot, day, night, tired and a few others, they do have an ability to think, limited as it may be. Keep in mind, the inherit value of their gene coding sequence, is in being a cat or a dog. This is instilled in their DNA, but also from what the mother taught them to do, and what they saw other cats and dogs do.
Why do some cats and dogs fight, while others can live in total harmony with each other? The answer is pretty simple. I'm sure we all know someone that has both species, and for the most part they get along great. There are times they do indeed fight like cats and dogs, literally speaking, in this metaphor. Their internal mechanism is driven by fear for the other species, territorial establishments and also from tens of thousands of years of conditioning. They are cats and dogs for Pete's sake. Those are their reference points.
The reference points that we have today are not only disturbing, as you will soon read, but they are also destructive, and we are giving way to the terrible reference points we will be passing on to our children. In the simplest of terms a reference point is how it happened, with whom it happened, and what happened to you in the past that is affecting you positively or negatively, in the present, and what will happen to you in the future.
The interesting part of your reference point is that you can recognize it, and you know what it is. You know "you," better than anybody, and also what type of background you had. One of the biggest aspects of your past is how we are all conditioned, which I will discuss in a later chapter. From Gork to your pets, your mind and your subconscious take in signals, much like antennae, about your upbringing, your environment, and other outside stimuli.
Because of repetition over many, many years, you formed patterns, or "habits," if you will. Some of these patterns and habits are bad, so now that you recognize the correlation between a reference point and a bad habit, you will easily understand the lesson learned in each chapter, and the tools I will share with you, to get to a solution much quicker.
The key in the solution is to do just "one thing" differently, than you would normally do. When you try to break a bad pattern or habit, the mind can only take so much, so fast, thus, the one thing. Remember, your brain has been wired into doing that same activity over and over again, over a period of years and years. So, to make it easy, all we are after on our journey together is to break that bad habit or pattern, by doing just one simple thing.
At the end of each chapter, I will recap one possible lesson that we might learn together and also, what possible solutions we can use as a tool, to break those bad patterns and habits, by doing just one thing. With that being said, let's get started with the first lesson.
Aristides Priakos, or Ari as his friends call him, has business in his blood. He has worked with some of the biggest names in the financial services industry, and was a bond trader and investment banker for most of his business career. He now divides his time between speaking engagements, being an entrepreneur, and his philanthropic endeavors.
Previously involved with some of the largest network marketing companies in the world, he started on a path of personal development almost twenty years ago, and has been studying with some of the best success coaches in world, honing his skills. He states, "In this continuing journey, I have learned much about life, love and people. When I do trainings for corporations, or during one of my seminars, I tell people that the greatest teachers in the world are also the best students"
Ari has a natural ability to reach individuals on a very deep and personal level, and has developed a very specific set of emotional tools, to help people in all areas of their lives. The "references points" are the keys and the most important elements of how we affect each other's lives personally, socially and professionally. The one thing we must change first is ourselves. Ari says, "We are here to serve others. When we understand how to serve, and can teach others to do the same, that is the reward, and the prize in life. It is the most fulfilling thing I have ever done, and I am always learning." You can find his books in retail stores, Amazon and Kindle
Ari now resides in San Antonio, Texas, when not traveling for speaking engagements, or in the Caribbean, enjoying the sand and beach.
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