Question! Do you ever struggle with fear? If you are human, you do. Fear is the second most powerful enemy we face in life. It can:
- fill you with fright
- emotionally overwhelm you
- attack you from several fronts at the same time
- rekindle old fears you thought you had worked through
Here is what you have to understand fear is an emotion that when it takes control of your life, it will paralyze you. Your mind knows no fear! Your mind knows adventure, dreaming, and the freedom to soar to the highest aspects of living. Yet, when fear is stronger than desire, you will filter everything through the emotion of fear.
In my working with human behavior, I have become aware that from the day a person is born until the day they die, they will wrestle consistently with 6 Fears. Now, the interesting thing is there is no particular order. These 6 fears just are and arrange their place in your life depending on where you are in the situation you are facing. Also, at any given time one of the 6 Fears is the #1 challenge you are facing. When you can understand what the fear is and control its presence in your life, the other five diminish in their emotional ability to control you. If you dont know your #1 fear, the other five will overwhelm you.
There are two things I want you to gather from this blog:
1. What are these 6 Fears?
2. What are the steps to understanding and controlling your fear?
First, What Are These 6 Fears?
FEAR #1: THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
If I do what I know I should do, it might take me out of my safe zone and put me somewhere I cant control.
Most people want to feel safe. This is why they create routines for their life. It makes things predictable and in that comfort zone, they feel safe. This routine is about sameness; it is about getting up and staying in familiar territory. For most, this is how they define stability.
This is what makes the Fear of the Unknown so frightening. It means you have to leave your comfort zone, your safe ground. The challenge here is most dont have the self-trust to step into the unknown. Without a strong foundation of self-trust, taking a risk is too big a gamble.
FEAR #2: THE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT
If I do what I feel I should do, I might be left alone. I cant be by myself.
How many people do you know who have stayed in an unhealthy relationship for the fear of not having anyone in their life? Sure they are not happy or feel loved or feel the relationship adds to their life, BUT there is someone there in their life. They exist in a pretend world and dont deal with the reality that the other person is just filling space, not a place in their life. The Fear of Being All Alone makes this an acceptable existence.
FEAR #3: THE FEAR OF FAILURE
If I express what I am feeling, it could expose the fact I dont know what I am doing. I dont want to look like a failure.
For most, FAILURE has become one of those nasty words. It is like a permanent scar that never goes away. The challenge is that is the way failure has been taught. How many times has the statement been made You dont want to fail! Or the statement, Just fake it until you make it. The idea of failing is a concept many cant handle.
When one is confronted with the possibility of failing, they will either run away, find a reason why they shouldnt be doing what they are doing or stop and start something else. They dont understand that failure is simply a bridge that connects success and defeat. Failure is simply an option that didnt work. It was a knockdown that you werent prepared for. That doesnt make it a negative. In fact when you get back up, that is success! You fear failure because of your emotional programming.
FEAR #4: THE FEAR OF REJECTION
If I do what I feel I should do, people may not like me. I need to be liked.
There is a strong need inside each of us to feel liked, feel loved. When that need is not being fed, there is fear. You start wondering, What is wrong with me? or I must not be a loveable person! or I must be a bad person.
All of these emotional feelings are there because we dont have a strong foundation of self-worth. Over the years I have found any person who doesnt have a strong foundation of self-worth is a candidate for feeling rejected. This fear causes them to give up their individuality and become a puppet others can play with. In that they feel accepted, and as dangerous as that is, it is made ok.
FEAR# 5: THE FEAR OF LOSS
If I do what I feel I should do, it might cost me more than I am willing to pay.
With everything you want to do with your life, there is price tag. You will only go as far in life as the price tag is acceptable. When the price tag is viewed as too big a cost, you will shut down and walk away. That price tag can be mental, emotional, spiritual, financial or physical. Whatever it is if the price tag is seen as too big, you will walk away.
FEAR #6: THE FEAR OF SUCCESS
If I do what I feel I should do, I might get results I am not sure what to do with.
If might sound strange to talk about success being a fear, but it is! Have you ever known someone who got real close to what they said they wanted and implemented behaviors that sabotaged the situation? Thats the Fear of Success!
Have you ever known someone who tasted success and then, didnt do the things to keep it going? It wasnt they didnt know what to do; they were just fearful of what might happen if the success continued to grow. Thats the Fear of Success!
Have you ever watched a talented woman put her life on hold because of the fear she felt about what would happen to her relationship IF she really became successful? It wasnt that she didnt want the success; she just saw the cost of the success being too great. That is the Fear of Success.
Do any of these 6 Fears sound familiar to you? If you really look at them, would any of them be a fear you struggle with? As I said earlier, from the day you are born to the day you die, you will struggle with these 6 Fears.
Now hear me say this there is nothing wrong with fear as long as you own it and it doesnt own you! Fear is, and thats a fact. So, what do you need to do to control your fear?
Here are 4 Keys To Controlling Your Fear:
Key #1: Face The Fact The Fear Exist
is the starting point. For anything in life to improve it has to begin
with face what is. This is where you admit the challenge you are
facing. This is more than just admitting you have fear; it is
understanding the fact the fear exist and has an emotional grip on your
life. Denial doesnt diminish the fear; in fact it strengthens its grip
on your life.
So, start with Facing The Fact The Fear Exist!
Step #2: Examine and Learn Where The Fear Comes From
the fear you face today comes from your yesterday. There is no fear in
today! Why? Because today is just now being created. Your fear comes
from a situation in your yesterday that opened the emotion, strengthened
it with behavior and was never faced, SO it grew in its emotional size.
Fear is an emotion we attached to situations! The situation may not be the same one that originally created the fear, but something about the situation triggers an emotional surge back to that event. Then, all the emotions that were present then, race forward and connect to the new situation.
Step #3: Address The Situation That Originally Created The Fear
When the emotion of fear takes control, it redefines the landscape. You rewrite the event based on your fear, not necessarily the facts. When this happens, your understanding of the event now has a different hold on your life. You have to go back to the situation, calm yourself down and revisit what happened.
Step #4: Rewrite The Script From A Lesson Viewpoint
This is the turning point! This is where the fear can be repositioned as a positive part of your life. Within every situation your life has been through or been handed, there is a lesson that can turn it from a negative emotionally draining situation to a positive life altering experience where you are better because you have been through it. Anything that brings a lesson to your life becomes a positive part of your journey. When you rewrite the script, you repave the emotional highway with insights you can implement into having a better life.
FEAR IS A NATURAL PART OF LIFE, BUT IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE A NEGATIVE THAT HOLDS YOU A HOSTAGE IN YOUR OWN SKIN
YOU LIKE WHAT YOU HAVE READ HERE, COME SEE ME LIVE IN COLORADO, JULY
22-24 FOR MY STARMAKER CONFERENCE. CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LEARN MORE!
YOU'LL LOVE THE EXPERIENCE!!!!
Originally published on March 13, 2012 by SpeakerMatch Speakers Bureau